Learning the Science of Getting Health and Wealth

Are you longing for relationships that do your heart good and generate stronger connections? Knowing about energy can transform your ability to build positive relationships, prevent loneliness and ward off fatigue. By making the energetic shifts described here, you can draw good things to you.

LAW NO. 1: We attract who we are.

THE MORE POSITIVE ENERGY WE GIVE OFF, THE MORE WE’LL RECEIVE. Ditto for negativity. It works like this: Love attracts love. Grumpiness attracts grumpiness. Passion attracts passion. Rage attracts rage.

First, define what being positive does and doesn’t mean for you in terms of attitude and behavior. Don’t worry if you’re far from a positive place. It’s an evolution. Give thought to what you value most in yourself or others. You can then strengthen these traits in yourself, and attract the same.

The idea is to find reciprocally nourishing interactions, not to win a popularity contest. (Of course, it feels good to be liked. But I’ve seen this need turn into addiction.) The following exercises will help you boost your positive signals.

Identify your best qualities and project them to the world.

Before meeting new people or going to important events, prime yourself. Think, “I’m not going to focus on my insecurity but on a strength like my sensitivity, compassion or humor; I’m going to feel and trust the positive energy inside me. I’m going to claim my full power.” Such selective attention puts your best parts front and center.

Meditate regularly.

With regular meditation, you can alter your habitual moods toward the positive. When feelings surface during meditation, monitor them. Focus on what’s uplifting, not the swirl of negative emotions. Your vibes will change; others will respond.

Commit to emotional housecleaning.

Healing negativity prevents toxic buildup in your energy field. Psychotherapy, introspection, meditation, journaling and talking with friends further self-awareness and healing.

Extend heart energy outward.

Envision something you love: your son’s smile or a blooming rose. Inwardly ask, “Let love flow through me.” Feel it rise from your chest; notice a sense of heat, serenity, radiance. Beckon these vibes outward. People soften around them, feel safe, want more. It conveys the sense of what Buddhists call the “groundless ground,” an ultimate secure place that stabilizes us from the inside out.

LAW NO. 2: Intuition clarifies smart choices.

RELATIONSHIPS ARE TRICKY; THEY CAN BE A BIG BLUR EVEN WHEN YOUR EYES ARE OPEN. We’ve learned to draw conclusions from surface data: how nice someone seems, looks or is educated, or how a situation adds up on paper. But attraction goes deeper; to make it work for you, other ingredients must be considered. Respect your intuitions about relationships and identify those that highlight compatible matches.

What may obscure the picture is anxiety or intense sexual attraction. If so, go slow until you get a keener intuitive read. (See “Accentuate the Positive” on page 101) These exercises train you to act from instinct, not impulse.

Tune in.

Choose a relationship or situation that needs clarification–perhaps you’re confused about a friendship or vacation. Run it by your intuition criteria: Do you feel troubled and nervous or energized and safe?

Act on vibes.

Insecurity, ego, lust or stubbornness can obscure your better judgment. (Sometimes it takes succumbing to them all to realize you won’t tolerate such battering again.) If the vibes feel positive, explore the possibilities. If the vibes are mixed, take a pass or at least wait. If all you sense is negative, have the courage to walk away, no matter how tempting the option seems. Then observe how listening to energy in this way leads you to the juiciest opportunities.

LAW NO. 3: Seeing the beauty and goodness in people magnetizes them.

INSTEAD OF REFLEXIVELY ACCENTUATING THE WORST IN A PERSON OR SITUATION, CHOOSE TO ENERGIZE POSITIVE QUALITIES. The object isn’t to flatter, make nice, be politically correct or ignore intuitive red flags–nor to deny someone’s dark side or placate abusers. Your goal is to mine the gold in positive relationships and elevate the communication in more difficult ones.

When I intuitively read someone’s energy, I see it as crystal-clear light with an intelligence that responds when recognized. When I say to a depressed patient, “You have shown incredible courage,” a little flame in him starts flickering. “I’m here,” his courage cries from a distance. Or if I remark, “You look lovely today,” to a patient who’s insanely stressed, immediately a part in her softens.

We’re all starving to have the goodness in us acknowledged. If you want to connect with someone, notice his or her assets. Let’s say a co-worker is snitty. Realize that happy people don’t act this way. So instead of being shitty back or constantly miffed, redirect the energy. Comment on the long hours she puts in, or her dynamite shoes. Use this approach for a week–as well as the ones below–and watch the vibes change.

Tell at least two people you love what you’re grateful for about them.

Tell at least two people you don’t love what you’re grateful for about them.

Adjust your perception. Spend an afternoon noticing the goodness and beauty of everyone you meet.

Praise other people’s abilities. Say to a gas-station attendant or cashier, “You’re doing a great job,” magic words that can make a person’s day. Move on to your mate, co-workers or friends.

LAW NO. 4: Soulful giving generates abundance

GIVING IS SUPPOSED TO FEEL GOOD; IF NOT, SOMETHING’S WRONG. Soulful giving enlarges your capacity to be more caring–you give for the joy of it, expecting nothing in return. In contrast, codependent giving bleeds life force; it’s driven by obligation, guilt or a martyr-complex, and it leaves the giver feeling sucked dry, unappreciated and put upon.

You want to give for reasons that energize you, not because you’re taking inappropriate responsibility for others. The following strategies will generate bountiful vibes for you and the receiver. If you give from your heart, your vitality will soar.

Give spontaneously.

Any time is right to offer simple tokens of appreciation to friends or colleagues: a candle, rose, small plant, fragrant soap or funny card. (But don’t overdo it.)

A good gift matches the recipient’s needs, not just the giver’s wants. A bad gift symbolizes what you want the person to be–getting your girlfriend a Thighmaster or your mate a utilitarian appliance. A bad gift is also one that’s perceived as a bribe or aimed at securing some favor.

Choose gifts that resonate.

If you feel strongly about a gift, trust the force that’s compelling you. At age 11, I spotted a wood carving of two majestic horses. Somehow, I knew it belonged to my father, so I used every penny of my saved-up allowance to buy it. He treasured the horses; they hung above his desk for 30 years.

Give anonymously.

Walk an old lady across the street; hold open an elevator; let a car go before you in traffic; or do something nice behind the scenes for someone, but don’t get found out. Such good deeds add light to your energy field and ultimately draw the same goodness back to you. As a 14-year-old friend told me, “The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer up someone else.”

Use these “laws” to mobilize excellence and kindness in your relationships. Emphatically say “no” to anything that doesn’t further the heart. Cheer each success. Don’t cheat your joy by jumping too quickly to the next ambition. Instead, pledge to value even the tiniest of triumphs. That’s what the art of positive living is about.

Adapted from Positive Energy by Judith Orloff, M.D. Copyright [c] 2004 by Judith Orloff. Reprinted by arrangement with Random House. For details, go to judithorloff.com.

intuitive indicator

Identifying your intuitions about people and situations moves you toward positive energy. Tune in, and trust your instincts.

POSITIVE INTUITIONS:

* You have a feeling of comforting familiarity or brightness; you may sense you’ve known the person before.

* You breathe easier; chest and shoulders are relaxed and gut is calm.

* You find yourself leaning forward, not defensively crossing your arms or edging away to keep a distance.

* Your heart opens; you feel safe, peaceful, energized, expansive or alive.

* You’re at ease with a person’s touch whether it’s a handshake, hug, or during intimacy.

NEGATIVE INTUITIONS:

* You get a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach or increased stomach acid, which may prompt an unpleasant sense of deja vu.

* You’re jumpy and instinctively withdraw if touched.

* Your shoulder muscles knot; your chest area or throat constricts; you notice aggravated aches or pains.

* The hair on the back of your neck stands on end.

* You feel a sense of malaise, darkness, pressure, agitation or being drained.

accentuate the positive

We all have our good and bad points. What sets positive people apart, though, is a determination to do their best, and not succumb to what’s negative in themselves or in what’s around them.

POSITIVE PEOPLE ARE:

* Committed to developing compassion toward themselves and others, and having an open heart.

* Courageous about following their dreams.

* Authentic; they believe in themselves, even when the world is crumbling around them.

* Aware of their dark side and are trying to heal it.

* Willing to learn from their mistakes.

POSITIVE PEOPLE AREN’T:

* Obsessed with seeming perfect or positive all the time.

* Beating themselves to a pulp over their shortcomings or foundering in a black hole of pessimism.

* Constantly mired in fear or tolerant of letting their hearts harden.

* Squeaky-clean do-gooders who neglect their own well-being.

* Saccharine pleasers who ignore their dark side and unconsciously act it out at the expense of others.

COPYRIGHT 2004 Weider Publications
COPYRIGHT 2004 Gale Group